


Family

by bakercrown



Series: Unconventional Years [2]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Family, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mother-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-06-26 01:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19757584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakercrown/pseuds/bakercrown
Summary: Queenie only left her children with a new babysitter for a couple of days. Everything was supposed to be routine. Safe. Typical.But this time she left Nurmengard, nothing was safe or typical.Unconventional Times prequel.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to my fic, Unconventional Times. I recommend reading at least the first couple of chapters of that before reading this. 
> 
> As usual with all UT related fics, this fic was beta'd by my friend Naka. 
> 
> TW for child abuse/neglect. 
> 
> Last thing to mention! If you read UT, you'll know Tony has an important plot point--that said, despite him only appearing in the first two chapters (so far) I actually know a lot about his character and there is a lot of info that is hard to pass on given events that are happening in the story. So writing a prequel seemed like the best answer! Enjoy! 😘

Queenie stared at the ever-so-polished Rosier, standing before her. Her lips were highlighted in outstanding purple lipstick, hair pinned back into neat curls, and she was eyeing her spotless black nails. Rosier’s mind was nothing, with the Occlumency she always used. 

“Y-you wanted to talk to me?” Queenie said, resisting the urge to bite at her pink upper lip, shiny with lipstick. She settled for fingering her dress’s wide lace collar. Being unable to Rosier’s mind always made her nervous. At least Grindelwald thought in German, even if she couldn’t understand it. Not having thoughts to hear made Queenie think of a corpse.

“Oh I did.” Rosier’s smile was sickeningly sweet. Ever so cunning, as though she had a secret plan behind it Queenie couldn’t see. She probably did anyway, Rosier always seemed to be two steps ahead, to assume the lead, for everything. Rosier smoothed out her green silk dress, steeling herself for something. “Goldstein, you’ve been here long enough. You… You realize this is war, yes?”

“Um--yes.” Queenie couldn't see where she was going.

Standing next to Credence, she looked at him out of the corner of her green eyes. Pride ruffled its feathers like a proud bird. Rather than waifish as he’d looked when they’d first arrived here five years ago, he now wore a black suit in a self-stripe pattern, his hair longer, slicked back. Standing with the confidence of someone who knew his place now, he gave her a concerned frown. 

_Do you know what she wants? She never sees you off. She barely speaks to you._

Queenie gave him a brief jerk of the head--no. 

“Do you?” Rosier said. She looked up and down at Queenie, frowning at everything from her white heels, to her pink dress with the tiny white flowers, to the white hat wore to match. She finally met the latter’s eyes, head tilted to the side, acting confused. 

“I--uh--yes--” Queenie said. 

It had its uses, though. She thought of the children, downstairs, and listened. Only a trickle of MacDuff’s thoughts slipped through his intermediate Occlumency. 

_Qualified for more--stuck watching the kids--waste_. 

She remembered the bored and frustrated expression on MacDuff’s face when Grindelwald had asked him to keep an eye on Credence, the children, until Queenie came back from her next mission. The explanation that he’d given to MacDuff, topped with an impatient glare, _“MacDuff, the children need a fully qualified wizard to ensure their safety for now. You are a fully qualified wizard, are you not?”_

“Well, I know you’re tailing the head of no-maj affairs at MACUSA,” Rosier said, raising an elegantly trimmed eyebrow at her. “When push comes to shove, don’t ruin everything because you won’t… What is that English saying? Get your hands dirty, Ms. Goldstein.” 

Queenie stared blankly. She didn’t get it. She’d never been close with Rosier and was not certain if she understood what Rosier was trying to imply. She suspected, but hoped she was mistaken. 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you mean.” Queenie gave a confused glance at Credence, who had a concerned frown on his face. 

_She means--_

Her eyes reminded Queenie of a serpent's and she looked just as venomous. Maybe it was the effect of the green she wore? “Don’t create problems on the field just because you are not willing to kill, Goldstein.”

“But of course I wouldn’t kill, why would I--”

“Aurors!” Rosier barked out, losing her temper. Credence took step to Queenie, face ashen and knuckles white. “Oh, I’m not going to hurt anyone.” Rosier snapped at Credence. She looked back at Queenie. “I know you, you’re too soft to even think about taking lives. This is no longer about you and your wants, this is for the greater good. Thanks to your talent, you know too much information from both sides. When it comes down to it, are you able to kill the Aurors? Even when one of them is your sister? You have much to lose, don’t forget that.” 

With that she walked off and Queenie looked at Credence. She swallowed. Queenie had no desire to discuss what she had just heard. Credence, however, did. 

_Aurors all want me dead--but your sister is an Auror and she saved me!_

Queenie hadn’t felt this queasy since the morning sickness she’d had during her pregnancy with the twins. She did not want to discuss killing. She hadn’t joined Grindelwald to do harm, simply to free wizards and witches from a stuffy old law. 

“Let’s… I want to go and say goodbye to the kids. Coming, honey?” She knew what the answer would be. Credence adored her children. 

Credence nodded and they headed downstairs, where MacDuff stood grumpily with the twins. Tony had a bored expression and thought longingly of soaring around Nurmengard’s towers on his broomstick and Audrey glumly thought _Mr. MacDuff won’t like a tea party._ She stared dejected at the floor. _Could play with dolls or convince Tony to play. Or Credence! Credence will, I’ll ask Credence!_

“Credence!” Audrey said. “Will you have a tea party with me? With actual tea from the kitchens?”

“Yeah, sure,” Credence said, hugging her. 

Queenie knelt down and kissed each of the Kowalski twins goodbye, planting an identical kiss on both of their foreheads. 

“Now, you both now I love you very much,” Queenie said, a hand coming to rest on each of their shoulders. They may be twins, but physique-wise Tony had broader shoulders while Audrey’s was narrower, reminding Queenie of a bird’s delicate bone structure. 

_Hehe, you’re funny, Mommy! I’m not a bird._

Queenie smiled at Audrey, amused, and continued on, “I love you, and so does Daddy. Mommy has to go out for a few days to work, so that we and daddy can be together, all four of us.” 

Tony frowned, wrinkling his brows until it resembled the wrinkles on his grey and black plaid suit Queenie had picked out for him that morning. “How do you know? You said daddy was very far away.” Credence scowled at the mention of Tony and Audrey’s father. “How do you know he loves us?”

“I just know,” Queenie said, placing her hands on Tony’s cheeks. “He’d be with us, if he could.” Queenie swallowed a bit as she spoke. 

_There she goes again, defending the twins’ father._ _I don’t understand it. Why does she care for someone who hurt her so badly? Someone who didn’t_ \--

“Credence.” She kept her voice firm, but gentle. Queenie glanced at Credence and there was a crease in her usually lineness forehead, she walked over to him. 

“We’ve had this argument before,” Queenie said to Credence, swallowing him up in a hug. She whispered the next bit. “I’m not having it with you again in front of the twins.” She broke away, a big grin on her face. “Now, I know you’ll take the best care of them while I’m gone. Keep workin’ on _Silencio_ , you’ll get there.” 

Tony perked up and he hurried over to Credence, Audrey following. “Yeah! We can help!” 

“Yeah, make Tony quiet!” Audrey said, her eyes twinkling with the mischievous gleam of a sibling. Queenie knew the look well. Why, sometimes with Teenie she had used to--but no, she wouldn’t think about that. 

Tony, meanwhile, was displeased with his sister picking on him. 

_Why me? Mommy, Audrey’s the noisy one, not me!_

“Mommy, Tony says I’m noisy, but I’m not!” Audrey straightened, like how Grindelwald make them all stand in attention in the Great Hall in the mornings. “I’m a good girl!”

“Didn’t say it,” Tony mumbled, looking at the ground, hands in his pockets. 

Audrey stuck out her tongue. “It was in your head.”

Queenie looked forlorn, her face somber. “Both of you, stop this. You might not always get along, but you should enjoy having each other here in the same place.” Queenie thought back to her sister when they were both younger. An ambitious and determined image of Tina appeared in her mind, hands around Queenie hugging her tightly.

“Auntie Teenie!” Audrey exclaimed. “Oh! She hugged mommy. I like hugs!” Audrey turned and considered her brother for a moment, before wrapping Tony in a hug. Tony gasped a little from the out of nowhere affection from his sister. “Stay right here, okay? We stick together!”

Queenie beamed, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Yes, please do. You… You never really know how much you miss your sibling until--well.” Did Tina miss her as much as Queenie did? Probably not. She’d mostly been an annoyance to Tina and now, was a disgrace. 

Queenie straightened and cleared her throat. “Well, I’ll be going now.” Everyone queued in front of Queenie for one last hug, save for MacDuff, who still stood sulking with his arms crossed. He looked like Tony when Queenie wouldn’t let him stay up late listening to Quidditch on the radio. Queenie tried not to sigh as she shook as his hand. She had wished for someone who loved children to watch the twins the next two days, but no one else was free. 

“I know this is a huge favor to ask, thank you so much.” Almost anyone else would have gotten a hug, but MacDuff was as unpleasant as Rosier, who had just asked her to consider murder. She offered MacDuff her hand instead, which he shook stiffly.

_Snot-nosed brats--_

“Yeah, I know you aren’t the best with kids, which is why I admire you so much for agreeing anyway,” Queenie said, wishing she had more to say. An awkwardly long moment dragged by.

She grabbed her case, flung Floo Powder into the flames, stated her destination and was gone. 

There was a long silence after Queenie left, the twins silent after seeing their mother off on another mission. MacDuff looked bored. Both children glanced around the room, obviously drawing a blank as to what was next. 

“I miss Mommy,” Audrey said quietly, lip wobbling. 

“Me too,” Tony said. His head whipped over to Credence. “Credence, can I fly?” Hope etched itself into every line of his face. 

Credence sighed. “Go and get your broom. But don’t break anything! Mr. Grindelwald doesn’t like that!” 

Tony had stopped paying attention at the mention of “go.” “YES!” Tony hurried upstairs as fast as his little legs could carry him. 

“Can you summon me a book?” Audrey asked. “I wanna read it and show Mommy when she’s home! It’ll make her happy!” She beamed, tea party clearly forgotten.

Credenced pulled out the wand Grindelwald had given him and summoned one of Audrey’s children's books. 

“Thanks, Credence!” She skipped over to a big plush velvet sofa covered with at least five matching pillows and hauled herself up. Credence smiled as she settled in and began reading aloud, speaking the words she didn’t understand slower. He loved those children. He would do anything so they wouldn’t have a childhood like his, unwanted and unloved. It was a pity they had started that way, no thanks to their father. Good thing he was here with the twins. 

“Do you need help with the book, Audrey? We can sound out the hard words together.” 

She shook her head, eyes still glued to her book. “Nope!” 

Tony came running back downstairs, broom in hand. Credence grinned. MacDuff frowned. 

It was a tradition every year, that on the twins’ birthday, he would give Tony Kowalski a toy broomstick. This was broom number four. 

Tony eagerly mounted the broom and flew in a few circles above the ground, a big grin on his face. It couldn’t go more than a few feet, partly because it was a training broom that was meant for toddlers, and also because it had been charmed by Queenie, who was worried about him “falling and breaking his neck.” Not that Credence minded her fussing. He secretly wished that he’d had a mother like her. 

MacDuff sighed. “Watch them, I’m bringing down some paperwork to finish before dinner.” He walked up the stairs slowly and was gone for at least five minutes (Credence counted on the silver pocket watch with a phoenix engraved on the lid that Grindelwald gifted him four years ago, to honor Credence’s first year with at Nurmengard.)

Tony zoomed around the large foyer, grinning loudly. Credence noticed MacDuff’s reappearance out of the corner of his eye and Audrey must have “heard” him with her Legilimency, for she looked up in time to say with Credence “Tony, look out!”

Tony nearly flew into MacDuff’s legs and had to swerve to avoid him. MacDuff jumped out of the way, pale with a vein throbbing in his neck. He gestured angrily at Tony. 

“Aurelius! Why is Anthony not being careful? I told you to watch him while I was upstairs, did I not?” MacDuff glanced at Tony. “Boy! Get off that broom, I have something to say to you!”

Tony’s eyes widened and he slid off the broom, and approached warily, sticking close to Credence. Audrey flung down her book and skipped over. She crooked her head at MacDuff.

“You feel mad. Is Tony in trouble?”

MacDuff nodded at Audrey. “A pleasure as always, Miss. Audrey. Tony, why don’t you follow more in your sister’s example?” Audrey put a hand on her brother’s shoulder, to comfort him. “Learning and reading, instead of filling up on sweets and Quidditch! What do you think you’ll become when you’re older, boy?”

Tony thought about it. He lit up. “A Quidditch player!”

“You, play Quidddich? You’ve never even left this castle.” He sniggered. “And you’ll probably never will. Anyway, there are far better uses for one’s time than flying around on a broom and chasing flying balls.”

“I thought our goal here was the freedom for wizards to be themselves?” Credence questioned fiercely, his hand bringing Tony, closer. “If Tony wants to play Quidditch, I don’t see why he can’t.” 

“I--” MacDuff frowned, still scowling. “Yes, that is--”

“Right _of course_!” Grindelwald called as he came downstairs, skull in one hand, a book on divination stuffed with papers in the other. He surveyed the scene before him, as though examining a move he was about to make in a game of chess. “We fight for freedom for wizards to be themselves.” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, ruffing each of the children’s hairs in turn. “If Tony wants to play, I don’t see why he shouldn’t. What team do you want to play for, boy?”

“America, sir!” Tony piped up eagerly. “They have Dorian Smackhammer and that’s where Mommy’s from.” 

“And Daddy,” Audrey added. 

MacDuff’s lip curled. Grindelwald frowned at the acolyte. 

“I think our Tony will amount to plenty,” Grindelwald said. “Try to be kinder to the children, MacDuff. They are members of our little family, after all.” He gave Audrey a little pet on the head, before he strode past them. 

#

The next day, Credence found himself in the kitchens with the children. He was supposed to be up in his room practicing magic, but MacDuff had agreed to meet them in the kitchens after lunch, yet, he was absent again. Credence was frustrated, his anger boiling like the bubbling water in the pot he had been trying to silence with all his might. He would tell Queenie about this, as soon as she returned. MacDuff was assigned for the children’s protection, and he was failing. The twins did not deserve to be neglected. 

Audrey sat next to the bin where they kept wood to stoke the kitchen’s fire. She had another children’s book propped open and was staring determinedly at the pages. Sometimes, Credence wished that Audrey would allow herself to relax and have more fun. Many of the acolytes praised her for her advanced reading skills, how nicely she kept her room, and her growing Legilimency skills. He worried for her because he knew the adults placed ]too much pressure on her to be the perfect girl, when she was still very young. 

“I’m okay, Credence!” Audrey said brightly, not looking up at him. Tony stood with Credence at the pot, his brow wrinkled as he glanced from Credence to Audrey. Credence suspected that Tony disapproved of Audrey’s attention to books. The boy did like playing with his sister, as much as flying on the broom.

Credence wasn’t going to give up that easily, though. He gave Tony an _I’ve-got-this_ look. Tony nodded. 

“You can come and play with us, join us in making this pot quiet,” Credence kept his voice gentle. He missed Modesty. “No one will be mad if you have a bit of fun.”

“Mr. MacDuff was,” Audrey squared her shoulders a little, the corners of her eyes turning up to meeting Credence. “I want to be a good girl.”

Credence’s heart broke a little. Damn that man!

Audrey giggled. “Mommy doesn’t like it when you use bad words, Credence.” 

Credence’s eyes lit up with mischief. Maybe he could still work this out. Audrey deserved to have a childhood, unlike him. How many times had he passed out leaflets, instead of playing with Chastity? 

“Well, Mommy isn’t here right now,” Credence said, giving her a challenging and mischievous glance he hoped Tony would be proud of. He held out a hand to her. “Come on, A, let’s go!” He would put aside his studies for a bit, if it meant Audrey could have a fun and carefree afternoon. He would _even_ sit through the tea party she had wanted. 

Audrey’s face was a confusing mess of emotions. Something in her eyes looked happy and hopeful that Credence would sit through a tea party with her, even if he didn’t enjoy them very much. She leaned forward, as though eager, her hands already closing the book. 

_“Why don’t you follow more in your sister’s example? Learning and reading.”_

Her face blazed red and her eyes seemed to narrow. 

“I-I wanna read and you’re being noisy!” She flipped open the book again and brought it close to her face.

Credence knew this well. He had seen it often, with Modesty when she’d been a few years younger. Pretending to like doing something, when in fact it was not what she wanted at all. This was not fine at all, it was unfair for the acolytes to make Audrey feel like she had to be a good girl all the time. 

_“I’m fine!”_ Audrey snapped. The brown eyes of the Goldstein sister who had saved him from a beating so many years ago--Credence had never forgotten those eyes--were beginning to take on a glassy shine. “I’m a good girl! I am! I AM!” A house elf scurried over, hoping to please the young girl. 

“Would Miss Audrey like some popcorn to feel better?”

Audrey sniffed and bit her lip. She nodded. Credence sighed in relief as Audrey followed the house-elf. At least the young girl agreed to have a sweet snack.

Groups of house-elves bustled around preparing dinner to feed the many people in Nurmengard. Several were standing by the multiple ovens watching the geese cook in the heat. A few supervised the cleaning of over forty potatoes in the large metallic sinks. A dough for a lemon bread flattened itself with a rolling pin on a cutting board directed by a house elf on a long counter in the middle of the room coated with flour and egg goo. 

Credence turned away from the scene to focus on Tony, who still remained next to Credence by the pot. Although the little boy could not read minds, Credence knew from the sweat on Tony’s brow that he also worried. The older man mused, what would Tony be worried about? The fact that their babysitter had not shown up? Whether or not Credence would be in trouble for being down in the kitchens with them when he shouldn’t? Or Audrey reacting negatively to playing with them? 

“Well… Let’s see if I can do this, huh, Tony?” Credence sighed. Tony nodded. Credence straightened his back. He just had to do the best he could with what he had. Right now he had to make sure he watched the twins and did his work. 

He aimed his wand.

“ _Silencio_!” 

The pot continued to boil _loudly_. Tony’s features slumped. He tugged on Credence’s sleeve, gave him a smile of encouragement. 

“Don’t give up!”

Credence tried again. Did he hold his wand wrong? Why was he so bad at being a wizard? While he mulled over this, Tony ventured over to a jar where wizard candy was kept, a rare import that only came a few times a year. He pulled out a Chocolate Frog. Credence noted Tony picking out the candy, but refrained from stopping the boy. It was only one chocolate after all. He turned back to his attention back to the spell. 

The door burst open. MacDuff entered. Finally. His eyes were already narrowed. He was cross. Audrey froze, before she ducked under the counter, a house-elf still flattening dough. What did the young Legilimens see in his mind, if anything? MacDuff shoved past Tony, to get to the tins of tea they kept up in the cabinets. 

“Out of my way, boy,” MacDuff said. “I don’t care what Grindelwald says,” he lowered his voice but Credence could still hear him. Audrey watched from under the table, biting her lip. “Between us boys, you’re just a stupid little child who favors brawn over brains--”

In that moment, all Credence thought of was his Ma, how he once used to hide his dreams and interests, just to survive in the Second Salem church. His fear of admitting, even to himself, he was a wizard had been the reason why he had been mutilated, forever separate and unlike other wizards. He aimed his wand at MacDuff. 

“ _Silencio_!”

MacDuff continued to move his mouth, but no words came out. Both of the twins erupted in giggles, which were followed by cheers. MacDuff slammed the tin of tea leaves on the counter top, flashed a rude gesture at Credence and stomped out in an embarrassed huff. Belatedly, Credence realized that he had given MacDuff an opportunity to shirk his child minding duties, and now the younger man had to continue handling both his studies and watching the children (and what if something went wrong and he needed a real wizard?). Not that he cared right now. It felt like they’d won. Credence reached down and ruffled Tony’s hair. 

“Thank you, Credence!” Tony said. He flung his arms around Credence for a grateful hug, squeezing tightly. “You’re the bestest!”

“Ever!” Audrey added, coming out from beneath the table to join in the hug. “Thank you for protecting my brother.” 

Credenced beamed at them both. “I always will.”

#

MacDuff was cross and annoyed by the end of the dinner that Audrey voiced his every insecurity and worry. When Tony giggled at this, MacDuff glared at him. Credence glared at MacDuff in turn. After dinner, when Credence had went up to his room to study privately.

Tony gave MacDuff the slip as MacDuff worried about trying to improve his Occlumency around Audrey. Pausing only to get a book on drawing and some art supplies from his bedroom, he hurried up the stairs to the library. The friendly would be quiet after the bad day. 

The library was a large room. It had a large chandelier that was about three times as big as Tony. There were lots of old artifacts whose purpose Tony didn’t understand and, of course, lots of books, some pristine and unopened. A suit of armor stood by the door, and next to it, a chest that Audrey liked to hide in when they played hide-and-seek sometimes. In the center, were three circular wood tables, which each seated three people. Tony sat at the table nearest the window, which had a view of the mountains. It made him think of how he would rather be zooming around the mountains, than stuck in a castle. 

MacDuff was right, he did like sports over reading. But he didn’t care. Right now… Right now, after what had happened before dinner, he just wanted to be alone. 

Tony pulled out the empty parchment and a blunt pencil, as well as a book Mommy had got him for his birthday, _Drawing Quidditch Players for Kids_ , which he had brought from his room, and began drawing. He drew his favorite Quidditch player, Dorian Smackhammer. Or what he thought Smackhammer must look like, he had never seen him in person after all, only listened to his matches on the wizarding wireless network. 

Tony gave Smackhammer curls, because he had curls, and made him small and thin, like a Seeker was supposed to be. He, too, wanted to be a Seeker, flying at fast speeds to catch a shiny golden ball. However some of the acolytes had laughed at him before, saying that he was not small and thin enough. 

Footsteps thudded outside and Tony ignored them, tongue between his teeth. He gave his all focusing on his drawing. 

Tony was just shading in the robes when a large bulky hand snatched the picture away.Tony’s eyes snapped up, only to see MacDuff ripping it up.. 

“Another talent that will get you nowhere in life, boy.” he snarled. Tony stared tearfully at the pieces of his drawing. His heart felt like it was breaking into tiny pieces. He blinked at MacDuff with anger and fear. Where was Audrey? His sister supposed to be with him! 

MacDuff grabbed Tony by the arm, hauling him of his chair. Tony’s foot twisted around the chair, and he whimpered. He tried to stand up straight, snatching his arm from MacDuff, giving him a defiant glare. “What will you do now without Aurelius here to protect you?” He barred his teeth like a scary dog. No one loves you enough to be here to protect you.”

He wasn’t just mean, he was a liar. Tony tried to reach down and rub his sore ankle, his body bending sideways. “That’s not true! Mommy loves me, so does Daddy!”

“If that is true,” MacDuff said, grabbing Tony’s lowered arm and yanking it back upwards, not letting go. The boy’s eyes watered with pain, and he tried hard not to blink, refusing to let them spill out. He wouldn’t let MacDuff see him cry. “Then where is your Daddy now? He had the chance to choose glory and stay by your mother’s side you know, but did not. You’re a fool, much like your father, you stupid Mudblood.” MacDuff spat out the words, taking pride in showing his disgust.

Tony did not know what that meant, but the way the man said it probably meant something bad. Tony looked away from MacDuff. He shook worse than when he would come in from playing with Audrey in the snow. If he was a grown wizard, he could defend himself, but he was just a kid. What could he do?— That was when the answer hit him—

 _Audrey!_ Mommy was too far to hear him, but Audrey was close enough. She’d come. _Audrey, help!_

“H-he’s far away. Mommy says we’ll be together, when all this is over!”

“A bold assumption, little boy. Whatever it is, he’s certainly not here to protect you.” Shifting his grip, the acolyte took Tony’s finger in his own and pressed the top knuckle inwards. Hard. An audible crack could be heard in the empty room. Tony yelped in pain. “No one is protecting you at all, _failure_. You know why I think Daddy isn’t here? He didn’t want you.”

“Y-you’re lying!” But was it really a lie? Tony didn’t know.

“Am I?” His eyes glinted. He bent another finger inwards, almost crushing the little digit. Tony whimpered in pain. “Daddies love and protect, but where is your Daddy now? Your mommy says you’ll be together someday but that is a lie, she’s off promoting the greater good and does our master’s work. For that matter, does she _really_ love you, boy? Maybe she loves working more than her children.”

The door burst open with a loud bang, Credence stomping in followed by Audrey. Credence stared horrified for a moment at the scene in front of him, and in less than half a second, he pulled out his wand and aimed at MacDuff, who fell to the ground, stiff as a board. 

Finally freed from MacDuff’s clutch, Tony began to cry, cradling his hand against his body. Credence and Audrey rushed over, both pulling him into hugs. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Credence said. “I’ve got you, you’re safe now.” 

“Yeah!” Audrey said as she broke away from her brother. “Mr. MacDuff told me to stay where I was while he went to look for you. I went to find Credence. Then I heard you. We ran here.” 

“H-he said no one wants me or loves me,” Tony hugged himself and Credence squeezed him tighter, causing the younger boy to yelp in pain from the contact. Credence broke away from Tony, gently coaxing the boy to show him the affected fingers. Delicately examining the small hand, Credence aimed his wand at the now-swollen fingers and healed the inflamed knuckles, hoping that it wasn’t fractured.. 

“That’s not true. I’m here and so is your sister. Mommy would be here if she wasn’t working.” 

Tony paused. “And Daddy?”

“Him too!” Audrey said confidently. “If he could.” 

Tony wasn’t sure if he could believe that. Daddy hadn’t been here, had never been here. 

Audrey pouted angrily, unsure why her brother was thinking of that. Mommy had always told them that Daddy loved them, Mommy’s thoughts were always about him and them. “Don’t think that! He _does_ love us. He loved Mommy lots.”

Tony looked at Credence. The man he looked up to like an older brother would be honest with him, right?

“I don’t know where he is or why he’s not here. I didn’t know your Mommy before she lived here,” Credence said, hugging both children. “But I know your Mommy loves you a lot and she wouldn’t lie!”

There wasn’t a moment where Credence had a strained expression on his face. He must have been thinking something not-nice, because—

“How can you think something like that?” You’d think Credence had called her something really mean, like freaky or crazy. Audrey couldn’t stand it when someone called her that. Audrey turned to Tony, as though expecting his support. “He thinks Mommy only thinks nice things about Daddy because she misses him.”

Tony wasn’t sure what to say back. Audrey had no doubts at all about Daddy, maybe because she could read Mommy’s mind. But it wasn’t that easy for Tony to believe. He turned to Credence. 

“Can we send Mommy a message, tell her what happened?”

Credence looked relieved.

“Yeah. Let’s go and send Mommy a message..” 

He laced his hands with the twins and they walked to his room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter is here! Next up is either an update to RIP or UT, whichever gets finished first. 🤷♀️ Writing this story was a ton of fun. I'm glad you guys now are on a similar level as me when it comes to Tony backstory, I love his character. 
> 
> As always, you can follow me on twitter @bakercrown!

Queenie sat in the crowded MACUSA lobby in disguise as a brunette with fine natural sleek curls today, sipping on  a bad coffee. In her white purse beside her, was a flask of polyjuice potion, a fake wand permit/ID, as well as a compact she used to contact Credence when needed, and vice versa, for Credence had a matching one. Her target, Senator Barry, the head of the No-maj Relations Office, talked with another MACUSA worker. 

Queenie hated being here. It made her think of losing some of the people she loved most dearly in the world and how she had lost them, probably forever. Especially since she had no one to blame for said loss but herself. 

Holding her current distraction—a copy of the  _ New York Ghost–– _ she spied on Barry’s thoughts and took careful notes. Better to be busy working and gaining information than to think of Tina or Jacob in her nostalgia and break down in a Ministry. The tears always appeared whenever she thought of Tina or Jacob, about how much they must hate her. Bringing embroidery to work on would be ideal entertainment while she listened in on Barry, but Queenie suspected that her former colleagues would be suspicious of anyone doing that, seeing how she had been the only one with an interest in sewing in the permit office. So hobbies that might give her away were out. Still, reading the paper had value. She could keep tabs on the lies it told about Grindelwald. 

Queenie was pulled out of the steady flow of Barry’s thoughts by a whisper from a familiar voice coming from her purse. 

“Queenie,” it whispered in Credence’s voice. “ _ Queenie! _ I know I shouldn’t be interrupting you, but please answer.” 

Queenie lowered her newspaper as she let go of one end, grabbed her purse and pulled out the small white compact. Credence’s face appeared in the small circular mirror, serious, a worry line on his forehead. Credence didn’t even waste time on a greeting. Not a good sign of things at all.

“Something has happened. You need to come back now.”

Queenie gaped at the audacity of his words. Credence knew that, short of Auror’s raiding Nurmengard, she couldn’t come back until she had accomplished Grindelwald’s mission. 

“What do you mean  _ now _ ?” She hissed. “I’m  _ working _ , I can’t just abandon my target.”

What was he talking about? She glanced at her target out of the corner of her eye. Barry remained locked in conversation with another Senator. She felt a sense of relief, she had no idea what to do should her target disappear when she was distracted. She raised her flawless brunette eyebrows at him. 

‘I  _ literally _ can’t,” Queenie said. Why didn’t he understand? Grindelwald would be furious with her… 

“I’m saying you’ve got to,” Credence said. “I’ve already cleared it with Grindelwald,  _ just get back here _ !” There was a pause, as he cleared his throat. “Anyway, Queenie… Your hair? I’m sending Fawkes.” 

What did he mean about her hair? He disconnected and then she saw… Her own stunned and puzzled reflection staring back at her. With bright blonde locks.

She heard a slight whispering around her as the Ministry employees closest to her began recognizing her, that slowly began to amount to “Isn’t that Queenie Goldstein? The acolyte?”

The color drained from her face. Rabbits! She took a deep breath. Credence was sending Fawkes. She would be okay, she just needed to buy herself some time. She pocketed her compact in the many pockets she had added to her dress. 

A troop of Aurors from three floors up headed down a stairwell towards her general direction. Accepting that her cover had been blown by her carelessness, Queenie flung down the newspaper, and leapt to her feet. Everyone, including her target, looked at her.

Queenie’s heart began to pound, hands sweaty. She froze, unable to think or move. How was she going to buy time without being caught? She remembered Rosier’s words and pulled her wand out. Wand in hand, she looked around slowly, taking in her former colleagues’ stares and thoughts as her legilimency worked overtime. Those who weren’t trained to fight thought that Grindelwald’s acolytes have come and their end was near. Queenie knew she couldn’t kill any of them. She would never be able to bring herself to. They were living breathing people, all of them as afraid as she was. Furthermore, how could they think Queenie was going to hurt them? If people looked at her with that kind of fear—she would have to talk to Grindelwald about how the public perceived their cause. 

Still, that was a concern for later. She straightened her back, and concentrated, wary of thoughts that would hint at any attacks launched at her. 

She didn’t care if it was war. Her heart continued to trash against her ribs, her sweaty palm gripped her wand tightly—where was Fawkes?—all she could think of was the death chambers of MACUSA far below the earth, her being captured and sentenced to death, her children becoming orphans—

Fawkes cawed loudly as he swooped towards her from behind. Queenie whipped around and saw her lifeline stopping next to her, flames rippling off him. He turned backwards to Queenie. His tail was not as long as usual, still growing back from his last burning day, but still… Queenie chanced a look at the others, despite knowing that no one was going to attack her. A final stairwell separated her from the Aurors, who had stopped dead in their tracks, gazing dumbfoundedly at the phoenix. Fawkes was both a nice exit and distraction wrapped into one fiery package.

Fawkes cawed again, flapping his wings as the flames burned brighter. 

_ I ain’t gonna die, I’m getting back to my family!  _ Queenie grabbed Fawkes by the tail, her rosewood wand and still in her shaking sweaty hand. Seconds ticked by while she stood there awkwardly. The Aurors snapped out of their reverie, raising their wands but uncertain of what spell to fire off to immobilize a phoenix. A few resumed their descent towards her. 

_ She’s too far away to be captured! We won’t make it if the phoenix can disapparate! _

—then Queenie and Fawkes erupted into flames, which did not harm Queenie, and they vanished on the spot, reappearing in Nurmengard’s great hall. 

Queenie immediately let go of the phoenix, panting as she hurriedly regained her footing. The compact had fallen out of her pocket and her wand had slipped out of her hand during the landing. She put a hand to her chest, face white as milk, hands shaking. Letting her hand drift to the bird, Queenie petted his head, and gathered her things. 

“Good boy, Fawkes!” Queenie said. “Very good boy!”

That had been close, too close. She thought again about MACUSA, their death chambers, Tina’s panic when she was there and it took a full moment for Queenie to stop shaking, to calm down. 

She had left her purse at MACUSA, with the fake wand permit she had forged, as well as the flask. She sighed. Not only had she failed to get the crucial information she needed, but she had left behind evidence that tied her to espionage. Security would no doubt be tightened at MACUSA. Her target knew she was tracking him for information.

This hadn’t happened in a long time.

Grindelwald may be fine with her abandoning the mission as long as her cover was not blown, but she  _ knew _ he would mind how close her escape had been, would be disappointed she had allowed herself to be glimpsed by the magical community. He did not like mistakes that could have been avoided.

However that was something to worry about later, right now Queenie remembered why she had to come home early. This had better be a real emergency, for all the trouble it had caused. She pocketed her compact and wand, hurried up several flights of stairs, taking shortcuts when she could behind tapestries and statues that guarded hidden passages, Fawkes came along for the ride, swaying on her shoulder and lighting the dark passageways for Queenie. She listened for Credence, for Audrey, for Tony. 

_ MOMMY! Hi Mommy! _

_ Hi Audrey. Where are you, muffin?  _

_ In Credence’s room! _

When Queenie arrived in Credence’s room, rich and lush in design as everything else in Nurmengard, she was tackle-hugged by both twins. The story of what had happened flooded out, in both words and thoughts. She felt, in Tony’s memories, how rough MacDuff had been. The cruel words he had said. 

_ Mudblood _ . 

Queenie felt a flash of anger. Good thing that Tony didn’t understand that word. 

_ It means something mean?  _

_ I’ll explain when you’re older. _

_ Okay.  _

Audrey left it at that, for which Queenie was relieved. Her mind was currently a storm of emotions, and she didn’t think it was appropriate for a young child to learn the meaning of that word.

Queenie clung to both of her babies, trying hard to swallow the bile in her throat as she showered them both in kisses. How did this happen? She’d known MacDuff didn’t  _ like  _ children but she didn’t think he would  _ harm  _ one of her kids. 

_ I was lonely and scared.  _

Queenie’s heart broke from that lone, devastating thought of Tony’s. It was her job to make sure he never felt that way. She had failed him. She snuggled Tony, letting him tuck his head under her neck as Audrey broke away. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Queenie said, tearings pour down her cheeks as she shuddered. 

So, so sorry. 

#

Queenie stood in Grindelwald’s office with the children an hour later, an arm wrapped protectively around both her children. 

Grindelwald’s office was large. The entire wall nearest to the door was lined with books on Divination and the Dark Arts, none of which Queenie understood. 

Grindelwald’s desk sat in front of a crackling fire, behind it was a mantel where several skull hookahs were placed. Queenie now knew the reason he kept multiple backups. He still complained about the one Leta Lestrange had destroyed in Paris. 

Queenie and the children weren’t the only ones in Grindelwald’s office. Credence was there, holding Tony’s hand. MacDuff sat slumped in a chair. Other acolytes in Grindelwald’s inner circle were there as well--Rosier, Carrow, Nagel, Abernathy, among others. Grindelwald frowned at MacDuff from behind his large desk, his brows narrowed. His jaw was set, a muscle in his face twitching. 

“MacDuff, as you know, I have reminded you to be kind to Goldstein’s children, did I not?” His voice was low, yet dangerous. 

“Yes,” he muttered and did not look up at Grindelwald, who banged a hand on the desk. 

“Mumbling and refusing to look at me? I would expect that from children, like the twins, and not from you! You will look up while responding to me loud and clear, MacDuff.” 

“Yes, you did tell me to treat Goldstein’s children kindly, sir,” MacDuff said, he looked Grindelwald in the eye, frowning. “But sir--”

“There are no buts,” Grindelwald said. “Whatever reasons you may have, do not forget that we are all brothers and sisters here. Family members do not harm each other, MacDuff.” He turned to Queenie. “Goldstein, your son is the offended party, and by extension as his legal guardian you too, have been dealt a grievance. You joined us, did you not, for the freedom to be yourself? You may punish MacDuff however you see fit, and I will see to it that it is done.” 

_ Hm, I wonder if Goldstein will have the guts to even punish a person? Such a weakling, unable to kill someone for her son’s sake. Maybe she just  _ can’t. Queenie looked up and saw Rosier’s smirk. She stared back with disbelief. Rosier was extremely careful about her barriers, so to access her thoughts so freely? That witch was clearly provoking her. 

_ Um… Mommy, how will you punish him? Will you hurt him like how he hurt Tony?  _ Audrey shivered, the four-year old’s discomfort with the whole situation rolling off her in waves. Queenie bit her lip, reminding herself that her daughter did not deserve to see any unsavoury images. Hurting MacDuff was a temptation, but she could not and would not. Her babies have been raised with kindness and consideration, she would not scare them any further. 

Not harming people was not a sign of weakness either, and she would prove it to Rosier. 

“Sir, however I want?” 

“However you want,” Grindelwald repeated. “You have the freedom to decide. Do as you like.” 

“I--prison,” Queenie said simply. “I--”  - Queenie turned to look at her family. Tony trembled at the mere sight of MacDuff as he clung to Credence like a lifeline. Credence was shaking from anger, his face flushed red.  _ Punish MacDuff, make him pay. Just kill him and be rid of him forever _ , echoed out of his mind repeatedly. Audrey stared wide-eyed at Credence, tears welling in her big brown eyes at the intense hatred she felt. Queenie looked at MacDuff, resolved not to cause any blood shed. “Prison. We have prisons here. Throw him into the deepest cell you got and lock away the key.” She tightened her grip on both her children, protectively. Her eyes turned to slits as she glared at MacDuff. “A man who hurts children shouldn’t walk free.” Rosier smirked at her, and Queenie actually got a second thought from her. 

_ Still weak.  _

Queenie straightened. She drew wards around her own mind, to keep out both Audrey and any snooping acolytes. She had to appear strong in this place, in front of some of those people who were so much more harsh than herself or Credence. She had to cover that vulnerability. “A man who hurts my children shouldn't walk free, but we are--” she looked at Grindelwald and choked out-- “ _ family _ , and... Brothers and sisters don't hurt one another.” She met MacDuff’s eyes and let her gaze turn fierce, without mercy. “Have a nice time in prison where you'll be safe from me.” 

Grindelwald grinned at her, boyish eyes gleaming. “Merciful choice, no less expected from you, Goldstein.” 

He threw a dirty look at MacDuff. “MacDuff, how is it that after  _ five years  _ here, Goldstein understands so much more about the concept of family compared to you?” His eyes were cold as he turned away from him and to Rosier and Nagel. “Take MacDuff away and throw him in the deepest hole we have, as Goldstein requested. Anyone else treating her children anything less than royalty will get the same treatment as this fool over here.” 

Both acolytes grabbed the now struggling MacDuff and dragged him away, the door closing with a thud behind them. 

“Well, I’m glad that nasty business is over,” Grindelwald said. He pulled out a jar of Every Flavor Beans from one of his desk drawers. “Candy, children?” He waved his wand and a bottle of alcohol flew from his personal wine cabinet and poured the amber liquid into glasses. “And for the adults, meade. We drink to a united family.” 

**#**

After they were done with Grindelwald, Queenie lead the children to bed. Their bedrooms were right next to each other, and Audrey was quick to go to sleep, falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, without time for Queenie to so much as so “i love you.” Still, Queenie gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before picking up Tony. Credence was kind enough to open the door than connected the two rooms and Queenie carried Tony inside. Tony smiled at Credence as they said good night. 

“Thank you so much for saving me, Credence!” Tony flung his arms around Credence. Queenie frowned at her son’s words, feeling a little conflicted. She was his mother but  _ she _ wasn’t there to protect her son. Queenie wished she had been, but being a continent away made it impossible. Had she made the right choice? She tried to smile, but it was painful. 

“I will always protect you,” Credence said, smoothing Tony’s dark curls--or attempting to. “Good night!” He started to leave, paused, and pulled out Fawkes. He placed him in Tony’s hands. “Maybe you would like a buddy to stay with you tonight? Phoenixes can appear and disappear to anyone at will, so if you’re in trouble, he’ll come find me.” 

Tony beamed. “Neat!” 

He cuddled Fawkes. Credence looked fondly at the sight and headed towards his own room. 

Queenie smiled at the phoenix as she gently bent down to pet him. Tony seemed calmer and happier with the bird here, which made Queenie happy. 

“Ready for me to tuck you in, honey?” 

Tony gave a tiny nod. She surveyed the room around her. How had it faired while she was gone? It was messy as usual, and she would normally remind him to neaten his room, especially since Audrey kept hers well-tidied, but the last thing he needed tonight was a comparison to his sister, so she waved her wand and had toys fly into the toybox. While he changed, Queenie went into his bathroom and cleaned it with magic. Tony climbed into bed just as his mother reappeared in his room, walls containing none-stop movements from the plastered cut-outs of Quidditch posters.

“Maybe I should take those down,” Tony said, frowning as he looked around the room. 

The expression reminded Queenie of a dejected Jacob and that made her heart feel like she’d been stabbed with a knife. It killed her to see her mini-Jacob looking so miserable, and she resolved to stay by Tony’s side. At least until her son felt much better. 

“I think those are lovely posters of inspiring Quidditch players,” Queenie said. Truth be told, she was not that much interested in Quidditch. Nor Quodpot, for that matter. Sports did not fascinate her and what little information she knew about Quidditch were gotten from her son’s interest. But as his mother she would make the effort to connect with Tony. “Why would you want to take them all down?” 

She smoothed Tony’s blankets over him. Even if she didn’t care for sports, Tony  _ did _ , and  she Queenie never wanted her children to feel like they should give up something that made them happy, because others said so. 

“MacDuff said they’re--” Tony frowned, searching for the right word in his mind. He cuddled Fawkes close. “They’re--Bad?”

Fortunately, Queenie could see what Tony was trying to get at. Being a mother and a Legilimens meant she was able to see what was bothering her children, and in this case, Tony’s memories of MacDuff. If her heart could disintegrate further, it would . Unimportant? Useless? One could say the same about her loving to cook, about her being a seamstress. 

“Anthony James Kowalski,” Queenie said, reaching over and tickling Fawkes’ chin. The phoenix let out a tiny bird-ish giggle. “The things that are important to you are what make you different from others. It makes you special. You like Quidditch, Audrey like reading, Mommy likes sewing, Credence likes taking care of Fawkes. See, we like different things. So my little muffin, you shouldn’t change yourself if you don’t want to. The whole reason we are here with Mr. Grindelwald is because  _ everyone _ has the right to be themselves, without saying ‘I’m sorry’ or hiding.” Hoping her young child understood what she meant, Queenie reached down and kissed him on the cheek. “So don’t ever try and pretend like you don’t love Quidditch, or drawing, or anything else, okay?”

Tony smiled, looking encouraged. “Thanks Mommy. Mr. MacDuff was wrong.” 

Queenie mirrored his smile, biting her lower lip as MacDuff’s words haunted her.  _ “where is your Mommy right now? Does she  _ really _ love you?”  _ Her face twisted, maybe she should have hexed that oaf after all. 

“Oh Tony,” she said quietly. She reached over, rubbed his cheek. Peering into her son’s mind, it terrified her how much a few encounters with that man had spooked her baby, had taught him to believe lies that weren’t true. 

She pulled out her wand and conjured her favorite squishy pink velvet armchair from her bedroom, which appeared at the speed of light next to Tony’s bed. She snuggled into it, wrapping the white blanket draped over the back around herself. Those mountains were much colder than the one Ilvermorny topped. 

“One more thing sweetheart, I only leave this castle when I have to go on missions. I… I do work that helps wizards and witches have the freedom to be themselves, because we live in a world that wants us to hide.” Tony pursed his lips, trying to understand his mother’s words. Queenie sensed the confusion and clarified. “Like when you play hide and seek with your sister. It’s fun right?” Tony nodded. “And when Mommy asks you to clean your room, it isn’t fun, right?” Tony shook his head vigorously, he disliked cleaning up. “So imagine playing hide and seek, but it’s not fun because there are people who will hurt you when they find you.” 

Tony took a moment to connect the dots, and his eyes widened. He imagined playing hide and seek with Audrey, only to be found by MacDuff. Queenie sighed at Tony’s mental image. Not quite the best picture to put in his mind but at least her son now understood. She had explained this to her babies all the time, but she had never thought they might not understand it—they didn’t know anything other than this castle, after all. 

“Yes, we are the ones hiding and there are others like MacDuff. If the world were perfect, I would never leave you--but I leave to go on missions because _ I love you _ and want you to be  _ safe _ .” 

Tony grinned.  _ Mommy was saying a lot, but she said she loves him! Big bad MacDuff was lying about mommy.  _ He felt more assured. Then--

“Daddy is not here. Doesn’t he love us?” Tony asked, his voice sad. 

How best to explain? Audrey understood bits and pieces of it, as much as a four year old could, having seen what Queenie hadn’t always been able to hide with Occlumency. Her daughter had seen the happier times Queenie had with Jacob, and the sadness that transpired over the events in Paris. Without needing to explain much, Queenie knew her daughter was aware that the  _ sadness _ was why Daddy was not here. It’s a little difficult to explain it in words to her son though. What abridged version of events could she share, without making it seem like Jacob hated the children? 

Five years had passed, but whenever her thoughts drifted back to Paris, Queenie felt like she was in a sinkhole of guilt. At that time, so many things had been said and done that on hindsight, it had been such poor choices made on her part. But calling her crazy had tipped her over. But she didn’t want Tony to resent Jacob! She didn’t. 

Now, how to summarize all that for her four year old boy? 

“Oh baby, Daddy is not here because… Before you were born, Mommy and Daddy lost each other,” Queenie said carefully. “Mommy tried very hard to find Daddy, like a big game of hide and seek, but… Couldn’t.” 

Her mind flashed back to when she sat on the streets, thoroughly soaked in the rain, fingers plugged in her ears to keep out the pandemonium in her head. Queenie shook her head to clear her thoughts, blinking back emerging tears. She would not cry around Tony. 

Tony, who had been watching his mother the entire time, reached out and grabbed her hand. “I’m sorry, Mommy. You miss him, like Audrey says?”

Queenie nodded. She wanted to squeeze Tony’s hand, to accept the comfort her offered her, but did not. It didn’t feel right, she was the adult, after all. How could she let her son be doing the comforting? Tony needed her, this was about him. Not the other way round. 

“All the time.” She couldn't help but smile. Thinking of Jacob either made her laugh or cry, depending on the moment. Did he feel anything when he thought about her, other than hatred? 

“But he would want us, right?” Tony looked at her with those big Jacob eyes and snuggled Fawkes closely, the bird cuddling into him.

“Yes, of course,” Queenie said confidently. Jacob would make a wonderful father, she’d never doubted that, no matter how he felt about her.

It was way past Tony’s bedtime now, and as much as she wanted to spend quality time with him, Queenie knew her young son had had a very long day and needed rest. She smiled at him. “Is there anything else you want to talk to Mommy about?”

She had a feeling she knew.

“Mommy, what does Mudblood mean?”

Yes, she was right. Queenie clamped her hand over her mouth, out of instinct. Her breath came out short and shallow. She’d seen MacDuff say the words in Tony’s mind, and had hoped that Tony would forget about it. 

“I-It’s not a very nice word,” Queenie said, hoping that would ease Tony’s curiosity and they could move on. 

“I know that Mommy, Credence was angry but he didn’t tell me what that word is.”

She clasped her hands together tightly, until they were as pale as the mountain snow surrounding the castle. “It’s… Not a very nice word for someone with no-maj parents.” 

“But you’re a witch, so I can’t be a Mudblood right? And--and--why is Daddy not being a wizard bad?”

Too many questions at once. The day her son got interested in talking about the wizarding world just had to be the day he got injured when she was away. Queenie needed a drink. 

“I don’t think it matters very much to MacDuff that I’m a witch, he’s so filled with meanness,” Queenie explained. “I think that big meanie just wanted to make you feel terrible, so he said the most awful thing he could think of.” 

“Oh, like when I called Audrey nosy.” He blushed. “Even though I didn’t mean it.” 

“I’m well glad you’re sorry,” Queenie said. “Be sure to tell Audrey tomorrow, okay?”

He nodded genuinely. “Is it very bad to have a no-maj parent?”

“Well,” Queenie steeled herself as best she could. "We wizards and witches can use a wand, sometimes we don’t, to make things faster! Like how Mommy makes pastries in the air but no-majs like your daddy?”  _ Come on, Queenie, think of something good!  _ “They have to use hand-magic and it takes a little bit longer, but the pastries taste so much better than the ones mommy makes. People like big bad MacDuff?  _ He _ thinks that to do things slowly, differently... is to be lesser.. a weakling. He's just too used to things happening really fast. But he wrong, because you, Tony, with both parents a witch and a no-maj.. you can be so much better! You can be fast like a quidditch player, and use hand-magic to catch the snitch!"

Tony beamed. He could be a quidditch player! “Really?” _Can I really be better? I’m not like Audrey though…_

“ _ Really _ . I’m 100% sure, honey. You know  _ so _ much more about Quidditch at four years old than Mommy knew when she was so much more than that,” Queenie said soothingly. Tony looked flattered at those words. “It’s not bad that you have different interests Tony.” She took his hand, kissed it, squeezing it tightly. He reminded her of Jacob right now and not in a good way.  _ I’m not a wizard, I’m just me.  _ But there was nothing ‘just’ about Jacob, nor his son. “Tony, you’re unique, alright? There is only  _ one _ like you--and that’s you! Mommy loves you just the way you are.” 

Tony looked contented, happy as he settled back on the pillow. 

“Thanks, Mommy.” His face split into a smile, his eyes wide and hopeful. “Can I have the wireless on? To fall asleep? Have dreams about Quidditch?”

Well, it wasn’t like she could say  _ no _ , not when he’d been through so much and was so adorable when he asked. She smiled. Tony felt better. She wasn’t a horrible mother after all. “Of course you can.” She aimed her wand at the wireless, turning it to a wizarding sports station. She leaned down, and kissed Tony on the forehead. Queenie left the room,and slumped against the floor. She listened to Tony’s thoughts for a few minutes, from content in his Mommy’s praise, to drowsy, and then drifting off completely into happy dreams about soaring high over the mountains on a broomstick. 

She smiled with amusement and left. Not, however, to her room. She didn’t want to be anywhere she could be found. After everything that had happened, she wanted to be alone. 

Using her talent and senses to avoid other acolytes, Queenie eventually found herself at the entrance of an unused watchtower. Climbing to the highest point took great effort but she didn’t mind--it kept the nagging, hounding thoughts gnawing at the edge of her brain at bay. She reached the top, entering the room and locking it behind her. Dusty and sweaty, Queenie ignored how disgusting she felt at that moment and sat on the nearby chair after a quick Scourgify spell. 

Then, she replayed every conversation she’d could ever remember having with MacDuff. Had he ever,  _ ever _ shown any signs he could hurt a child? She’d known he hadn’t  _ liked _ children, but she’d never dreamed that had translated to physically and physiologically hurting her child… 

She must have  gone over ten conversations with MacDuff about five times in a row in her mind, looking for some sort of clue or sign, when there was a knock on the door. 

Queenie sat up. How in Morrigan’s name…? But it didn’t matter. She stood up and charmed the dust off herself with her wand. A smile plastered on and an excuse at hand, she strode up to the door and flung it open. 

It was Credence, who promptly wrapped her into a tight hug that had her wheezing when released. Stepping into the room, the young man sneezed when he breathed in the dust. Wrinkling his nose at the state, he muttered a quick cleaning spell and had the room sanity in no time. “I brought some food. Figured you haven’t had anything to eat after everything.” He waved his wand and a tray of ham and melted cheese sandwiches appeared, settling on the small table near the window. A grateful Queenie conjured up another chair and they both sat by the table, looking at the lovely view of the snow-capped mountains of Austria. Credence offered the plate to her, and Queenie picked one. Melted cheese sandwiches were great comfort food.

“My mother,” Credence said as though bringing up the weather, “she often seemed like a good person on the outside, to most people. She fed the homeless, took in orphans. Behind closed doors…” Queenie winced feeling the harsh sting of the belt in Credence’s memories. “Well, you know. Sorry. One day I’ll learn Occlumency, when I’m advanced enough.” They both shuddered. “But my point is, you can’t keep replaying what he did over and over, asking yourself what you should have noticed… Most people who hurt kids seem normal, even beloved, to the outside world.” 

Queenie lowered her sandwich. He had a point. 

“How did you guess I was up here doing what you said? Did Audrey tell you that?”

“As far as I know, Audrey’s asleep,” Credence said, shrugging. “No… I just asked myself were I would go if I didn’t want to be bothered, highest towers or lowest dungeons, and this was the last place on the list. As for how I knew what you’d be thinking about--well, that’s what you do when you’re alone. After today, it would definitely be on your list.” 

“Oh.” Queenie took another bite of her sandwich. She felt a great numbness and wanted to sleep for days. “Thanks. For being here.” 

They ate in silence, watching a fresh layer of snow coat the earth, Credence thinking a lot that it might cheer Tony up to go sledding, to the point where he was thinking of it so loudly and so often, Queenie finally giggled and said, “Yes, we can take the kids sledding tomorrow.” 

“Yes!” Credence grinned like a little kid. Had he gotten to go sledding much as a child? She thought of herself and Teenie launching down the large peaks that Ilvermorny topped, in a sled. A pang of regret she and Tina had not worked things out hit Queenie for the millionth time since Tina had left their apartment to search for Credence. 

Another silence hit them, and then--

_ Why didn’t she kill him? I don’t understand it, child-beaters don’t deserve to live. The whole ‘put him in prison where he’ll be safe from me’ spiel was an act. So why? _

Why indeed? “Credence. I—” It took a moment, before Queenie found the words to explain why she had not simply flung MacDuff out a window with magic. “I know you don’t approve of that. I saw—Audrey was scared, she wondered if I would hurt MacDuff like how he hurt Tony. Sure, I  _ wanted _ to throw him out of the window, but as a mother I couldn’t do something that would make her afraid. It wouldn’t be right. And—and—if I’d killed him—it would have been something I couldn’t live with—” Blood on her hands, metaphoric or not. That was not her. “Maybe it’s selfish but… I did something in the past that was a mistake and I’m still feeling guilty over it. To add killing to my list of regrets? I just couldn’t do it, knowing I’d feel sick about it for the rest of my life. He—he does deserve it, but I—It’s not my nature to answer violence with violence, Credence. I can put on an act for everyone else here, but I can’t be someone who earns respect through fear.”

“Oh.”  _ Fair enough.  _ He didn’t say anything more. He simply stared out at the snow and went back to thinking about sledding with the children tomorrow. It was too forced.

“You still think I should have killed him—” Queenie interrupted his thoughts bluntly. 

“I understand why you didn’t. I would have.” It was a short, simple answer. _ My mother hurt me, and when she died I was free and relieved. That man should die, then Tony would have his justice _ . 

“Credence,” Queenie said, sensing that there was more to this. “Are you mad because you feel like this is similar to what you went through and… I’m not doing more for Tony?” He looked at her, his jaw twitched and for a second, she wondered—had she gone too far? He was the closest friend she had here—she couldn’t lose him—

“All people who hurt children are soulless monsters,” Credence said, without hesitation. “So maybe, I  _ am _ angry.” 

Queenie winced and stared out the window, her hands shaking as she set her sandwich back on the plate. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Mr. Grindelwald gave me the choice, and I choose the only way I could live with. I did it for myself yes, but I protected my children from seeing torture and death.” She did not regret it. Her children would not grow up to think torture or murder was an acceptable form of retaliation to wrong done to them. “If you’re not gonna be friends with me anymore—” Queenie swallowed hard, staying resolute was taking a lot out of her. 

Credence stood up, knelt in front of her--”Queenie, Queenie, I never said--why would you think I don’t want to be your friend anymore? You’re my  _ best _ friend!”

Credence knew the pain of losing someone, the only other person he had considered to be his best friend—Nagini, leaving her behind. He had regretted it, and couldn’t comprehend the idea of giving up a friendship again, not when he’d made that mistake once. It was his version of the enchantment—a terrible mistake made once that he would not make again. 

“I—I—” She took deep breaths until she could answer. “My friends and family—I did things—and then—we weren’t talking anymore—So it’s understandable if you want to leave too.” 

Crdenced grabbed her and pulled her close for a hug. 

“I’m not going to leave you, okay?” Credence said firmly, rubbing her back. “I don’t know what happened in your past—but nothing is going to drive me away. I was stupid to leave Nagini—but that doesn’t mean I’ll leave you. I swear it.” 

Queenie exhaled. For the first time she’d got home—for just a moment—she felt safe, wrapped in a hug, comforted by the certainty in Credence’s mind that they were friends no matter what. 


End file.
